and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
