Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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