Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
