I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My life is pants optional.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
