my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
