how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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