your parents love me but you hate me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
