Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
