I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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