They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
