She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
