yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
