I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
