I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
