I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You took a bar mat shot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
