Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
