you traded sex for a burrito?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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