life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
