Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
