how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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