I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
