yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
