i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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