Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
