this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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