That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
