6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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