u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
