you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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