Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
