i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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