The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
