i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
