Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
