looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
