Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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