He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
