he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
