Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
