Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
handjob tips. give me some.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
