Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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