Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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