im about as happy as oj after his trial
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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