You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
