I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
