he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We are all done wearing pants today
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
