Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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