I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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