i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
