Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
