I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
