He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
