what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
