whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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